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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Confessions

Inspired by many confessions I’ve seen around blogs lately, I’ve decided to do my own.

1. I used to take laxatives the night before weigh in. I have stopped, but it’s something I’m not proud of.

2. I don’t want to eat before my weigh in (which isn’t until 5pm), so I don’t eat after breakfast at 7:30am on Thursdays. I know it’s not the most healthy, but I eat a slightly bigger breakfast and it’s only 1 day a week where I go 10 hours without eating.

3. I still binge on weekends. I still don’t blog about it.  I’m embarrassed too much by it.

4. My friends and my sisters… and my boyfriend are all thin. I feel embarrassed for them to be seen in public with me (I am not looking for pity posting that… just stating a fact!).

5. I want to be a runner. It looks so therapeutic for so many people.

6. I secretly don’t think I will ever get to my goal weight. VERY bad thought process, I know!

7. I wish I loved exercise. I really dread it before I start doing it, but feel great during and after.

8. I fear I will get married one day and will be a fat bride… and then hate my wedding pictures for the rest of my life.

9. I have a birthmark on my arm in the shape of a heart (random and nothing to do with diet… but I bet you didn’t know about it!)

10. A year ago I was losing more weight. I wasn’t only counting points, I was counting calories. I was only eating about 800 a day. When I blogged at night I added extra food to my daily list so it looked like I ate more (except on weekends when I really did eat more).  I kept it up for 6 months or so until my grandma passed away and went back to old habits. I fear I was starving myself a little and it may have messed up my metabolism. Although, I don’t think it did.

11. I love reading all of your blogs and they give me great inspiration. Despite my confessions tonight, I’m not giving up!

12. I have a great life and am really lucky and really happy.

5 comments:

Single Sassy and Saved said...

I love this idea! I might have to do my own confessions

Tara said...

My gosh, girl...
You are very brave to confess this. Please know that your friends and family (i can speak for them, I'm that close!!) think that you are GORGEOUS inside AND out. You have been a weight loss inspiration to me and I'm sure many others. Look how far you have come. I know it seems like a daily battle and that may never change. Just know that you ARE winning and will continue to do so. You are loved by many (including me) and you WILL get there if that's what you want :)
And when the day comes, you will be a STUNNING bride because you already are stunning...add a wedding dress and WOW!!!
LOVE YOU!!!!

Janna said...

Jen,

You are so very brave. I have done many of those very things myself so I know where you are coming from. You are great and amazing...and I have NO DOUBT that you will make it to goal. That you will be a beautiful bride. That you will work through the demons. We are stronger than all of those things and YOU CAN do this!

Please know that it is a GIANT step to be so open and honest and I bet you are well on your way to working through things.

If you ever need anything I am an email away.

River said...

I can copy-paste at least half of this list to my own blog. If you're gonna make me cry, next time put a warning on top. jk.

This whole journey is a long one. But we are doing something. We are learning from our mistakes. Learning a little more about ourselves and each other. In the end it is a progress and it's in our hands to move forward.

*hugs*

Police Girl said...

What a great list! Everyone has confessions & it's liberating to admit them :)Here's my 5:
1. I don't push myself when I exercise
2. I'm scared of what might happen if I reach my goal weight
3. I binge at least once a week
4. I don't want to go out coz I feel fat
5. I think people judge me based on my weight

BUT I also have a list of some really great goals. I'll add them on my blog :)